Dear Yogesh,

I stay in Bangalore and my dad stays in Delhi. It’s been a while I visited him after my parents parted last year. Since a few weeks, my father has suddenly stopped responding to my phone calls and texts and likewise to my sister’s.

I spoke to my sister staying at a distance of 5 kms from my dad’s house to have a check on him. She went, but he wasn’t home. After a few days he sent gifts for his grandchild at my sister’s place, with just his name on it, not as your loving grandpa or something. It seems like a sudden boycott. I also sent him messages and tried video calling, but no response. I am sure it’s not COVID19, as I have enquired about that too. I am not able to understand this sudden change of attitude.
Please suggest something.

Warm Regards
Atharva Srivastava

Dear Atharva,

I understand that the unprecedented pandemic has created a chaos across the world and the situation might be stressful for you. From your letter, I can assume that you’re looking for some tips that can help you reconnect and find a way out during these tough times.
My thoughts and my advice are very clear: work on yourself in the first place and then on him. I would suggest the following approach:

1. Introspect yourself: Start with taking feedback from the ones who are sympathetic to your father’s thoughts and often hear him. This will help you understand about his expectations and see yourself from the eyes of others. Try to figure out the possible reasons for his changed attitude. Try to listen peacefully and lookback to understand what would have offended him. Sometimes it’s not actions, but misunderstandings that offend people.
2. Take Ownership of your actions: Try to lookback at painful incidents and figure out expected happenings that could have possibly hurt him. Accordingly, write back to him saying “Dad, I know I have hurt you so much and you aren’t ready to talk. I accept my faults and I know I have not been giving you much time. I haven’t visited you in months and now the situation has become even worse. I really regret that and want to apologize to you for all my mistakes. I really love you and I am right here, whenever you want to have a chat with me.”
3. Be Determined: After sending him a note, don’t forget to send him a message again after a week or so. Let him take his own time and get back to you once he is back in his mood and mindset. If you do not get ant revert in a week, just write him a short text “Dad, I know I am imperfect. But I really love you so much and waiting for your text. Love”

I hope these ideas help you find a way to reconnect with your father. You can always share these ideas with your sister too and let her do her bit.

Best,

Yogesh Sood

This blog is an adaptation of a recent blog published by our partner Mr. Joseph Grenny on 12th May- https://bit.ly/3cbgBdp

Have similar questions? Submit your queries directly to Mr. Yogesh Sood at – info@vitalsmarts-india.com

AUTHOR

Yogesh is the founder and CMD of BYLD Group. BYLD is the largest group in the South Asian region, offering value-added services in HR, Leadership, Organizational Development, Business Operations, Manpower Staffing, Technology, and Executive Coaching. He leads the board of Indian operations of Blanchard Research and Training, Door Training and Consulting, VitalSmarts (LCPL), YOMA group and Aspectum Consulting, Finland. These organisations have expertise in complete organisational development and performance enhancement solutions, including Consulting/Training/Coaching. Yogesh is an alumnus of Harvard Business School and College of Executive Coaching USA. He founded the first ICF (International Coach Federation) chapter in South Asia in 2015.