Angry with Your Boss over a Bad Performance Review? Here’s What You Should Do!
Dear Yogesh,
In our recent annual review, my manager gave me positive reviews and was generally impressed with how I performed in the previous financial year. But, to my surprise, I was horrified to discover my score of “below average” on the formal paperwork.
I asked for a one-on-one meeting with him and that is when he told me that my engagement with others has been low, I did not challenge myself enough, and did not engage as a team member well. I don’t see any truth in this. Even if it is true, why didn’t he bring it up earlier during the discussion?
I got a little angry during the discussion and we’ve not been talking since then. What shall I do now?
Regards,
Himanshu
Dear Himanshu,
The short answer to your question is that you should start over. I believe that is the most encouraging way possible. And if you see yourself failing. Try, try again and again. I don’t think there is any point in getting your review scores revised. Also, trying to meet him again in the same position will be a waste. Let me explain why.
The conversation has reached a point where if you’ll persist, your boss will resist. Even if your boss agrees to change the score, it will do no good as his opinion of you will not change. Here is what you can do instead:
Focus on Improving Yourself
This disagreement will never get resolved unless you decide to work on yourself and your mindset first. The ill feelings in your heart will reflect in either the way you talk, act, or work with your manager.
In situations like these, we often believe that the other person is the cause of all that ails us, but this mindset does not let us communicate with the other person. Therefore, you just recognize that it doesn’t matter how much you want your boss to change, the only person you can change is yourself.
Focus on What You Want in the Long-run
When the conversations become costly, we often think about just the present moment and how we can prove our point. This will only help you win in the short term, and will give you results that have much greater and negative value in the long term.
So, I’d like you to analyze and calculate all the short-term gains that you have and replace them with a long-term, healthy perspective. The following questions can help you identify:
What is that you ultimately want?
- What are the things that you care about in the long term?
- What is that you want from your boss in the long run?
- What do you want for the relationship in the long run?
Consider your Contribution First
It might sound unfair but it is a very important aspect to look into. Is there any chance by which you might have contributed to the situation that has happened? For example, it can be a bit of irony in itself: getting angry at your boss may have validated his assessment, right or not?
Apologize
You do not have to apologize for disagreeing with your manager, but the fact that you got angry and lost control of your emotions. It is highly unlikely that you’ll get the dialogue going without doing this.
You can mention how you’ve realized that getting angry over his decision on the performance review was a bad thing and you apologize for it now.
Share Your Good Intent
Share your good intentions about yourself and conclude with what you’ve thought about the relationship and how you’d like to start again. Your boss may decline the first time. You might have to try a few times or wait for the next review session.
You need to communicate with your actions and words that you are open to having a conversation and it is going to be a fruitful one, and not like the previous one.
Seek Mutual Purpose
Make it your objective to uncover some shared belief. What do you both consider? I'll expect he believes you should accomplish great work and that you need to be better than you are now. Would you be able to figure out some shared interests?
"I want to recognize where you're coming from. It would help me if we can get to an agreement, so I need to know what do you expect out of me in the performance review.
It is important to find a common ground to work upon that serves the purpose of both you and your manager.
I often say that the skills of Crucial Conversations, when demonstrated, look like taking the high road. And while taking the high road can be difficult, it will lead you higher. Good luck.
Regards,
Yogesh Sood
The above is an adaptation of a blog written by Ryan Trimble on FEBRUARY 23, 2022