Dear Yogesh, 

I am a project manager working with a global firm. I have recently been promoted to the position of senior project manager and the joy of it has been overwhelming. I was enjoying this newfound happiness till the time I realized that one of the women employees in the organization is the one targeting me. She is one of my peers. We are in different work but have overlapping roles. 

My concern here is that she changes my designs and rejects my suggestions without even consulting with me. She also instructs others on the project and asks them not to mention it to me. I get requests and confused questions from people asking who is in charge of what. Her suggestions are sometimes good and sometimes, not so much. 

I’ve had a discussion with my boss regarding the same but he suggests that we should manage and sort things out on our own. I’ve asked her to stop adjusting things her way but she doesn’t seem to understand. After any such conversation, she says that she’d not do it again but it happens again and again and she has cowed my entire team into acting like she is my boss. Things just keep getting worse

I would appreciate your thoughts on my situation.

Damini

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Dear Damini,

Your situation sounds like it is getting bad to worse with each passing day. Having office bullies can totally take a toll on your physical as well as mental health. But there are a few tips that I’d like to suggest. 

A Conversation - Once More!

Get into that much-needed conversation with your boss. Start by getting permission to talk in private. Once you are there, thank your supervisor for taking out time for you. It is very important for you to establish the context in the first thirty seconds and set the right tone so that he has known it is not another rant session that you’re going to give him. Mention the problem, not directly but with adequate background, and then explain your desire to work through a problem in a way that meets your and your co-worker’s needs. 

Work on that one important issue that you think is bothering you the most. Give your boss the time he deserves to respond. And then work through to analysis of what the issue is and how you can solve it. If required, call your co-worker to sort things out in person. 

Find Another Spot 

Sometimes, it is best to change your way rather than to change your day. Start putting yourself up for a new job. It will be like admitting defeat, that is true. But it needs a lot of grace for anyone to do that. There is no time to devote yourself to taking some kind of revenge. But, if you think you have that much strength in you, then you can leave or take some legal action for the behavior that you’ve been subjected to. I would suggest that you move on for your own mental peace. 

Just Keep Going!

As much as it sounds like a not-so-viable option at this moment, it is also very toxic for your mental health. In cases where people find it hard to move on, I would suggest that you do as much as is required to keep your salary coming and keep your head down with things. Although, this can be extremely stressful leading to devastating effects on your health. This is by far my least suggested advice you can take. But it is there. 

With your skills and experience, you will find a better place immediately. Whatever decision you make, I’m sure that you will be so happy you did it.

Regards,

Yogesh Sood 

The above is an adaptation of a blog written by MADELEINE HOMAN BLANCHARD on JANUARY 2, 2022

https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/colleague-is-edging-you-out-ask-madeleine