Dear Yogesh,

What Am I Doing Wrong?

Receiving unexpected, secondhand negative feedback—especially without details—can be both upsetting and disorienting. It’s clear you’ve worked hard to create an open, transparent culture, so I understand how this situation might feel frustrating and unfair. I appreciate your willingness to reflect and explore a path forward despite the lack of clarity.

While your HR team’s view—that this could simply be the opinion of one disgruntled employee—offers some reassurance, you’re right to pause and ask if there’s anything to learn here. Difficult feedback, even when surprising, can sometimes provide a valuable opportunity for growth.

Step 1: Assess the Credibility of the Feedback

It’s worth noting that feedback often reveals as much about the person giving it as it does about the recipient. If your former team member had concerns but never expressed them during your regular check-ins, this could suggest they struggled with trust or communication. Not everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts openly, even when invited.

That said, it’s possible this feedback touches on something you might not yet see. Exploring that possibility thoughtfully and without defensiveness could provide helpful insights.

Step 2: Consider “What If This Were True?”

When faced with surprising feedback, it’s helpful to reflect on the question: What if this were true? This exercise can guide you toward deeper self-awareness. Ask yourself:

• Could others on my team feel similarly but not express it?

• Are there barriers—intentional or unintentional—that might discourage open feedback?

• Could unconscious biases or assumptions influence my behavior toward team members?

• Do I create an environment where people feel psychologically safe to share concerns?

This line of reflection, approached with curiosity rather than judgment, can uncover blind spots or opportunities for growth.

Step 3: Seek Input Directly from Your Team

To gain clarity, consider having candid conversations with your remaining direct reports. Frame these discussions as part of your commitment to continuous improvement and fostering a supportive environment. For example, you could ask:

• Is there anything I do—or don’t do—that makes you feel unsupported or uncomfortable?

• Do you feel confident I have your back?

• What could I do to improve as a leader for you and the team?

Be prepared to give people time to reflect and respond, as direct feedback can feel intimidating in the moment.

When receiving feedback, focus on these three responses:

1. “Thank you for sharing that.”

2. “I understand.”

3. “Can you tell me more?”

Avoid defending your actions or debating the feedback. The goal is to create a safe space for honesty.

Step 4: Explore Anonymous Feedback Tools

If you suspect some team members might hesitate to share candidly, consider using an anonymous feedback tool. Many HR departments offer 360-degree assessments, which gather input from peers, direct reports, and supervisors. These tools often provide valuable insights because they allow people to share their thoughts without fear of reprisal.

Options like Tru-Score (for assessing managerial practices) or the Emotional Capital Report (ECR, for measuring emotional intelligence) can highlight patterns in perception and pinpoint areas for growth.

Step 5: Reflect and Take Action

If your exploration reveals no widespread concerns, you can confidently set this feedback aside. But if you uncover opportunities for growth, embrace them. Leaders who model self-awareness and a willingness to improve inspire trust and respect.

Leadership is an ongoing journey, and moments like this—while uncomfortable—can serve as turning points for growth. Your openness to reflecting, listening, and learning demonstrates your commitment to your team’s success and your own development.

Take the time to explore this feedback thoughtfully. Whatever you uncover, you’ll emerge stronger and better equipped to lead with confidence and empathy.

Best wishes,

Yogesh

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