Dear Yogesh,

I am Vineeta, working as a supervisor at a soft-drinks manufacturing unit in Gujarat. As part of the performance review and appraisal process, we are all having meetings with our teams to give feedback. While all my team members take the feedback positively, there is one colleague who has been reluctant to be part of the whole process and is not interested in knowing his feedback. He finds it difficult to exert any pressure when disapproval comes his way from me or anyone. Other managers have raised the same concern with me regarding him. Is there any feasible way to make him engage in these feedback discussions?
Signed,
Vineeta

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Dear Vineeta,

I acknowledge your state of affairs. We have all come across people who do not act accordingly to feedback. And we all know how troubling it gets to receive feedback in the first place. Even if we ask for feedback to be the better version of ourselves, it gets rather difficult to accept a genuine one.

There can be two reasons for it:

We become oblivious to the differences. It is referred to as "problem blindness" in the book Upstream by Dan Health. We are unaware of the severe problems that recur in our mindset. We don't observe things as they are. We fail to witness the desire to change ourselves.

We deliberately refuse to accept the differences. It is what we call "performance delusion." With an intense passion and desire to be at the helm of our performance, we persuade ourselves that we are the best. And this leads to a blind eye toward the problem. We are usually inclined towards this problem when we are generating great results but in a negative way. We only care about the outcome and not the procedure that we need to follow.

There is an old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." But this is only half the truth. Although we cannot force the horse to drink, we can make the oats salty. What happens if the oats are salted? The horse becomes thirsty. What happens if a horse becomes thirsty? The horse will have no other choice but to drink the water. Likewise, if you can't make someone engage with feedback, create circumstances that make him reach out for it. Here are my proposals on how to do it.

Receive before you give. Involving oneself in feedback is more than what meets the eye. Feedback is like a blessing. You can’t give without receiving it. Kim Scott, the author of Radical Candor, advocates that the most probable way to make your team willing of feedback is by asking for one.

Let us try to understand it through a situation. Suppose you see people do something incorrectly. What shall you do? You don't go to them straight away and say that you are doing it wrong. You walk up to that person. While doing that same thing, ask them, "Can you please watch me and tell me if I'm doing this correctly?" It will not only help them comprehend the need for feedback but also build a culture of trust. They will realize that you want the best for them. Feedbacks are not merely words of praise. They are a two-way conversation. When your employees see you drink the water, they will be more willing to drink it themselves.

Be aware before you share

People hardly take offense at what you have to say; they take offense to why you have to say it. So as a manager, your goals should not be yours alone. They must involve a share of benefits of your employees as well. That is called Mutual Purpose. When you are sure about your motives and your employees are equally central to them, they will feel the thirst and desire to receive feedback.

Signifying your intention is not going to be enough. You will have to communicate it. Untold things are always hard to believe. It leaves people perplexed. And sometimes, their guesses can go wrong. It's okay to sugar-coat your feedback with a positive notion if you think it will be helpful. Talk to your employees in a way you want to be talked to if the roles get reversed. Your intentions may sound like this:

“I can see a manager in you someday. So, I'd like to share a few tips that will help you prepare for that role.”
“Today I want to share a little secret with you. Something I wish someone told me when I was your age.”
“I know you want to work effectively to minimize stress and exhaustion, so let's speak about anything that appears to be impeding your progress.”
Others are more responsive to feedback when they understand why you're giving it. Many people are already thirsty; all they need is the trust to know when it is safe to drink.

Ask yourself, "How can I salt the oats?" as you work to build a culture where feedback is prevalent. What else can you do to encourage people to give and receive feedback with active participation? Always remember to ask for criticism before offering it, to double-check your motives before expressing them, and to declare them when you’re assured. I believe that if you do this, others will follow your lead and drink the water to which you have led them.

Best of Luck,
Yogesh.

And for anyone else reading this, what else could work? Tell me in the comments.

This blog is an adaptation of a blog written by Scott Robley on June 09th, 2021 -

https://cruciallearning.com/blog/what-to-do-when-employees-dont-respond-to-feedback/