Dear Yogesh,

How do I say “no” to requests and projects that come across my desk? I want to be helpful and take on everything that’s asked of me, but if I said “yes” to every request, I wouldn’t be able to focus on my top priorities, and that could hurt my performance. How do I balance urgent requests with my long-term responsibilities?

Jatin

Dear Jatin,

I understand what you're going through, as I’ve been there myself. Early in my career, I had a strong desire to please others and avoid disappointing anyone. This meant taking on everything people asked of me, regardless of how it affected my own goals. While this approach helped me develop a reputation as reliable and results-driven, I eventually realized that I had lost control of my career—it was no longer about my priorities, but about meeting everyone else’s demands.

Learning to say “no” and disappoint others was a crucial turning point. If you never disappoint someone, it means you’re living someone else’s life, not your own. Getting Things Done® provides a useful framework for managing all the requests coming at you while still staying focused on your goals. Here are a few key strategies that helped me:

1. Survey All Your Options

David Allen’s principle, “You can only feel good about what you are not doing if you know what you are not doing,” is fundamental to making conscious choices. To manage the influx of requests, it’s important to capture everything—both the tasks others ask of you and those you’ve identified for yourself. When a new request comes in, you might feel the urge to act immediately. But with a clear overview of all your commitments, you can evaluate how urgent or important the new task really is in comparison to others.

Having a written record of everything—your to-do list, priorities, and requests—allows you to see the full scope of your responsibilities and helps you make better decisions. When you have all your tasks documented, it’s easier to decide whether a new request should take priority or if it can be deferred.

2. Make “No” a Decision, Not a Delay

Saying “no” doesn’t have to be difficult, but it does need to be done quickly and clearly. Procrastinating or hedging by saying “I’ll try” only leads to confusion and increased pressure on you to follow through, which can create even more stress. Instead, when a request comes in, assess it quickly in the context of your other commitments. If it’s not a priority, say “no” clearly and immediately, giving the other person time to seek help elsewhere.

Avoid leaving things unresolved—saying “no” firmly is like ripping off a Band-Aid. The quicker and clearer you are, the better for both you and the other person.

3. Understand the True Impact of Saying “Yes”

Often, we only consider the impact of saying “no” and how it might let someone down. But what about the impact of saying “yes”? Agreeing to a new request can mean sacrificing time and energy you could otherwise dedicate to your most important priorities. It may also prevent someone else from taking on the task and growing in the process. Additionally, saying “yes” to a request might lead to other commitments being neglected, such as missing important personal events.

The key is to make conscious, deliberate choices about how you spend your time. Saying “yes” should be a choice that aligns with your values and priorities, not a default reaction to others' demands. Help others when it’s truly meaningful, but ensure that you’re staying in control of your time, not simply responding to others’ needs.

Saying “no” isn’t about being selfish; it’s about making sure you’re focused on the right things. I wish you the best as you balance your commitments and find the space to pursue your own priorities.

Best Regards,

Yogesh

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