Dear Yogesh,

Asking someone to talk less seems like a very rude thing. But, one of the employees talks too much. He gives very little detail, stretches the conversation, and then repeats what he has already said. I am not able to understand a word he says and can only speak when he pauses to catch his breath. 

This leads to me paying more attention to his pauses rather than his words. Please help with the same. 

Regards,

Karan 

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Dear Karan,

There are a lot of people asking for ways to get their people to speak up. Your query on the other hand shows the other side of the question. How to tell an employee they talk too much is also a tricky thing to do. Contrary to getting people to speak up, talkative employees can build frustration and communication breakdowns just like silence does.

Here are a few steps that you can use:

Curiosity Instead of Judgment 

When somebody acts in a way that negatively impacts us, we tend to judge them. Why are they talking so much? It is so annoying! I must let them know. We tend to draw conclusions without knowing the WHY behind them. Make sure to keep in mind that you don’t know what someone is doing and why they’re doing so. Replace judgment with curiosity. 

If you follow this, you might start to replace the thought “They are doing this because…” with “I wonder why they do this.”

Be Specific about What You Really Want 

Planning and thinking about something in advance reduce your chances of putting your focus and attention on the wrong things. Yet, when it comes to having a dialogue, we often give very less thought to it and dive into the conversation part of the process. In my opinion, if we spend five minutes thinking about why we want to have this conversation and not just what we want to talk about, we will be able to reduce the time and energy spent discussing unimportant topics. For this, ask yourself:

What is it that I truly need here? What is my objective in bringing this up?

How would I need the other individual to feel during the discussion?

What is it that I need for our relationship and how might this discussion add to that?

While these questions can help you clear your mind with the conversation, they will also help you guide through the fact about what you want for the other person and for your relationship. In your case, you may want to create a better and more collaborative relationship with the other person. Or want to give a little guided tour of their blind spot? Whatever the case, you’ll be more successful in holding the conversation when you know clearly what you want

Always Share the Why and the What 

Knowing why you need to have the discussion concludes two things for you. It assists you with remaining on track during the discussion and it gives you your initial line of why you wanted to have the conversation in the first place. Sharing your aim is the most ideal way to begin the discussion. It could seem like this:

"I want to talk to you about the manner in which we speak with one another. My objective in bringing this up is to further develop how we cooperate. I appreciate working with you and value the ideas you bring to the group, and I think there are a couple of things that could assist us with cooperating better."

Whenever you have shared the why, clarify the what. Be explicit and prompt as you clarify what you experience in discussion with your employee and what it means for the relationship. Be humble, polite, and to the point when it comes to sharing your real idea. It could be as:

“I have noticed that when we are talking, you often have a lot of ideas to share. So many, that I find myself trying to figure out when I can break into the conversation to share my perspective. I definitely want to hear your ideas, and I think our conversations might be more effective if we both had time to share our perspectives.”

It allows you an opportunity to bring up to them at the time the specific conduct you need to discuss. Do it cautiously, with an emphasis on why you are bringing this up, and I am sure you can explore this interesting discussion.

Regards,

Yogesh Sood 

The above is an adaptation of a blog written by Emily Gregory on JANUARY 26, 2022

https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-tell-an-employee-they-talk-too-much/