Dear Yogesh,

I am Rajeev, working for a Government Company at a senior level. Around a year ago, I hired an employee with all the qualifications I was looking for, except for the experience. I overlooked it as he seemed perfect for the job in all the other aspects. Besides, he was referred by someone I trusted.

He has been working as a Project Manager and was highly skilled at his job. He also developed a good rapport with all the stakeholders and his peers. He is highly committed to his work and strictly adheres to all timelines. He also pushes us to adopt technology in a big way and is after us until everything is set in place his way.

However, of late, I learned that he has been bad-mouthing me among his peers and a few others. He also does not give me due respect in front of others and corrects me before them. Sometimes he is correct, sometimes, he is not. On the other hand, I have been losing sleep over his arrogant behavior, as my hard-earned reputation is at stake. I have never faced such a situation in my long career.

I handheld him when he joined and taught him the ropes. I left no stone unturned to make him the best in his job. But I never thought that tides would turn one day, and he would one day be my bete noire. My wife has a feeling that he is trying to usurp my position. I feel that knowing the experience required for the job, it would take another two decades for him to reach any position near me. I have only a couple of more years to retire. I am not being over-confident, just speaking out of the experience. Kindly tell me what to do.
Regards,
Rajeev

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Dear Rajeev,

Indeed, it is painful when your protégé turns against you secretly, especially when your earned reputation is at stake.

It is essential to confront him about this unacceptable behavior. After a very long time, you might have had to deal with this kind of situation, where someone is challenging your authority in a very deceitful manner. You will have to go with a beginner’s mind, i.e., with openness, curiosity, and willingness to learn. The fact that you are losing sleep over this matter shows your irritability. Anyone else in your place would have already given him a showdown, which may not be a good idea. Here, you need to get to the bottom of the matter to know what drives him to this grotesque behavior.

You can do the following :

1- Decide on a neutral location and fix a time to talk.

2- Let him know what you have observed about his behavior.

3- Inform him about the impact it had on you and others. Mention only your observations.

4- If he denies whatever you stated, understand that you do not require his validation of what you observed and experienced. You need to stop his demeaning behavior.

5- You may pose questions like “What is going on?” or “Please help me to understand what is driving this,” or “What does this look like from your point of view” or “we seem to see this differently. Help me see this through your lens”. I prefer asking instead of just telling.

6- Never get tempted to ask “WHY,” as it may put him on the defensive and will fail to elicit the correct response. Remember, you don’t have to accuse anyone, as it might complicate things.

7- After listening carefully to his answers, recap them, so there is no ambiguity in your understanding.

8- Try to find out if you went wrong somewhere without really realizing it.

9- Never try to defend yourself, as it would be counterproductive. Just say ‘Thank you,” or “I understand,” or “tell me more.”

10- You can set expectations and boundaries with him.

11- Tell him that he can do so in private if he wants to point out your errors or a different opinion.

12- Once you have mutually decided on the boundaries and expectations from each other, the next step is to make clear the consequences in case of no adherence. You can still give reminders or warnings or escalate if his ignorance becomes a habit.

13- Do not forget to document your discussion, as it might be needed later if things do not go as per your expectations. It may help you make your side clear and safe.

Let me know if you found this helpful. All the best!

Best,

Yogesh

This blog is an adaptation of a blog written by Madeleine Homan Blanchard on January 30th, 2021 – https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/direct-report-trying-to-make-you-look-bad-ask-madeleine