Listening to and accepting uncomfortable feedback - Ask Yogesh Sood


Dear Friend,

It’s completely understandable to feel uneasy about constructive criticism. Many people share this discomfort, and it often stems from a natural vulnerability when someone points out areas for improvement. Rather than avoiding this experience, let's explore ways to shift how you perceive and handle feedback.

1. Understand the Root of Your Discomfort

To start, it’s helpful to explore why criticism makes you uncomfortable. For some, feedback can feel like an attack, as if the critic is trying to tear them down. Others might associate it with personal failure, which can make it difficult to separate the feedback from their sense of self-worth.

Take a moment to reflect: What about constructive criticism causes you to shut down? Is it the tone, the content, or perhaps a deeper fear of inadequacy? By identifying the root of your discomfort, you can begin to navigate feedback more effectively.

2. Reframe Your Perspective on Criticism

One approach to easing this discomfort is to reframe the way you view feedback. Instead of seeing criticism as purely negative, consider it an opportunity for growth. For example, if you receive feedback on a recent project, instead of thinking “I messed up,” try framing it as “This is an opportunity to improve.” You might also preemptively express your openness by saying, “I’m eager to hear your suggestions for improvement.”

This mental shift can help you approach feedback with curiosity, rather than defensiveness.

3. Request Specific Guidance

At times, feedback may feel vague or unclear. In these cases, it’s perfectly fine to ask for more specific suggestions. A response like, “Thank you for pointing that out. Could you provide some specific ideas for how I can improve?” turns the conversation into a more constructive dialogue and demonstrates that you're committed to your growth.

This ensures the feedback is actionable and useful, rather than just highlighting problems without offering solutions.

4. Choose How to Respond

The idea of “feedback as a gift” can seem forced, but consider it from another angle. Much like receiving a gift that isn’t quite right, feedback may not always resonate, but you can still appreciate the intention behind it. You have the power to choose how to respond, integrating only the feedback that is meaningful and helpful to you.

Feedback isn’t about accepting everything you hear; it’s about thoughtfully deciding what to take from it.

5. Recognize That Criticism Isn't Always Perfect

Finally, it’s important to understand that criticism isn’t always delivered in an ideal way. Sometimes it may come across as harsh, even if the underlying message is valuable. Focus on the substance of the feedback rather than how it was communicated. This way, you can still gain insights, even from less tactful delivery.

If you're interested in learning more about navigating difficult feedback, Joseph Grenny’s “Feedsmacked” presentation offers some great insights on this topic.

With practice, your relationship with feedback can shift from fear to an empowering tool for personal growth. When approached thoughtfully, feedback can be one of your most valuable resources for improvement.
 

Best Wishes,

Yogesh


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