Dear Yogesh,

Dealing with workplace bullying, where someone exploits real or perceived weaknesses for their own gratification, requires a strategic approach. If there’s no “grain of truth” in their actions, you should shift to setting and enforcing boundaries.

Suresh

Dear Suresh,

Identify What You Want

Before addressing the situation, ask yourself: “What do I really want?” Your goals will shape your response:

1. If You Want Safety:
   
   

• Enforce Your Rights: If you feel physically or emotionally unsafe, report the behavior to HR or seek legal help.

• Create Distance: If the bullying persists and safety measures are inadequate, consider separating yourself from the bully by seeking another role or job. Avoid enabling the behavior, as prolonged exposure can harm your mental health.

2. If You Want to Stay and Address the Issue:
   
   

• Focus on setting clear boundaries to create a healthier working relationship.

Set and Enforce Boundaries

Effective boundaries are rooted in clarity and assertiveness. Here’s how to approach the situation:

1. Specify the Problem:

You can only address bullying if you can describe the behavior precisely. Pay attention to when and how the bullying occurs (e.g., name-calling during meetings).

2. Hold the Right Conversation:

Shift the focus from the content of the discussion to the process or behavior:

• Example Scenario: If the bully sneers and says, “Where do you get this crap?”

• Respond immediately with: “Before we continue, I want to address what just happened. I presented my idea, and you said, ‘Where do you get this crap?’ Did I hear that correctly?”

3. Set Clear Expectations:

After confirming what they said, explain why their behavior is unacceptable:

• “I am fine hearing criticism of my ideas. But calling them ‘crap’ is disrespectful. I expect respectful communication moving forward. Can I have your commitment to that?”

Manage Resistance or Recurring Issues

Bullies may either resist committing to respectful behavior or test the boundary again. Prepare for both scenarios:

1. If They Resist:
   
   

• They might dismiss your concerns, claiming you’re “thin-skinned” or “can’t handle adult conversations.”

• Respond assertively: “I’ve explained my expectations. If you can’t meet them, I’ll escalate this to HR (or the boss) to ensure I’m not out of bounds in expecting respect.”

2. If They Violate the Boundary Again:
   
   

• Call it out immediately: “A couple of weeks ago, you committed to not using insulting language. You just referred to my idea as BS. That violates our agreement.”

• Ask for a reconfirmation of their commitment and set a clear consequence: “It’s not my job to police your behavior. If this happens again, I’ll pursue other alternatives.”

Alternative Paths for Dignity and Safety

Addressing bullying puts the onus on you to enforce boundaries, which can be taxing. If this approach feels unsafe or unsustainable, revisit the option of enforcing your rights through HR or creating distance. Prioritize your well-being and mental health in any decision you make.

Conclusion

Bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and requires decisive action. Whether you choose to address the issue directly by setting and enforcing boundaries or pursue formal channels for protection, the key is to maintain your right to dignified treatment. By specifying the problem, holding clear conversations, and ensuring accountability, you can regain control and protect your well-being.