Surendar

Dear Surendar,

I can sense the frustration and confusion you’re feeling in this situation. Your father's sudden withdrawal has left you in an uncomfortable place of uncertainty, and it’s understandable that you’re searching for answers and a way forward.

Your question leaves me with two possibilities to consider:

1. There were no incidents that preceded this silence, in which case I imagine the abruptness of his behaviour is even more painful. If that’s the case, my heart goes out to you. His actions may point to something personal he is struggling with, and it’s important to respect his boundaries while hoping that, in time, he opens up about what’s going on. Unfortunately, if he’s truly making this choice to disconnect, there’s little you can do to force reconciliation, though it’s certainly painful. If his situation worsens or becomes more concerning, you can reassess whether you need to intervene. For now, however, respecting his space may be your best course of action.
   
   

2. There was an event or series of events that might explain his sudden withdrawal. In this case, the best approach is to start by focusing on yourself and then work on reconnecting with him. Here’s how you might go about it:
   
   

• Examine your own actions. Ask yourself, and others who might have insight, whether something you said or did—or didn’t do—could have offended. Sometimes, it’s not a specific event, but rather subtle things like failing to communicate or being distant emotionally. Reflect on how your actions (or lack of them) might have affected him.
  
  

• Acknowledge your part. If you see where you may have unintentionally hurt him, take responsibility for it. Reach out with a sincere message. You might say something like, “Dad, I know you aren’t ready to talk right now, and I respect that. As I reflect on Thanksgiving, I realise I spent more time with cousins and didn’t connect with you as I should have, especially considering it was the anniversary of Mom’s death. I’m sorry for that. I love you, and I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
  
  

• Honour his space, but reach out periodically. After sending that message, give him the time he needs. If the silence continues, you might consider sending a gentle, periodic check-in that challenges the assumptions he may be making about your intentions. For instance, after a period of no contact, you could say, “Hey, Dad, I know I’m not perfect, but I’d love to hear from you when you’re ready to share.”

No matter what path you take, the key is to show that you’re willing to listen, own your part in whatever may have happened, and respect his boundaries, all while leaving the door open for future communication.

I hope these suggestions offer you a way forward, even if the path to reconnection takes time.

Warmly,
Yogesh