Speaking Up For Your Morals and Values
Dear Yogesh,
I work in information technology, and our company was recently acquired. Since the acquisition, several members of the parent company have come in to upgrade our network to their standards. Over the weekend, I worked with two of my colleagues and five employees from the parent company. I was the only woman in the group. Throughout the weekend, the team from the new company made crude, sexual jokes and frequently used foul language. How can I address my discomfort with their humor without risking future working relationships with them?
Sincerely,
Pramod
Dear Pramod,
I understand your situation, and I empathize with the challenge of standing up against inappropriate behavior in a new environment. It can be daunting to be the only voice in the room advocating for respect and professionalism, but it's important to find a way to assert your boundaries without compromising your ability to work with the team in the future.
Here are a couple of approaches you might consider based on your situation:
Option 1: Formal Action
If the nature of the comments is severe or if you believe the individuals involved are unlikely to change, taking formal action may be necessary. I recommend consulting with your HR department to understand your rights and options. They can guide you on how to proceed in a way that protects you and ensures the behavior is addressed appropriately.
Option 2: A Direct Conversation
If you feel there's a chance for a productive conversation that could both change their behavior and preserve future working relationships, here’s a strategy you could use:
Document the Behavior.
Start by making a record of the specific comments and behavior that made you uncomfortable. Write down examples of the jokes, comments, or language used, so you can refer to them directly when addressing the issue.Write It Twice.
Given that your goal is to communicate a boundary rather than confront an individual, I suggest addressing the issue in writing. Writing allows you to create a clear record and gives your colleagues time to process the information privately. Here's how you can approach this:First Draft (Facts): Lay out the facts in the first draft. Clearly list the specific behaviors you found inappropriate and offensive, making sure to include all relevant parties involved.
Second Draft (Tone & Intentions): In the second draft, soften the tone by explaining your intentions. Emphasize that you value a respectful and collaborative working environment and that you want to continue working well together. Acknowledge that workplace norms may differ, but make it clear that you expect a change in behavior.
Request Commitment.
In your message, ask for a commitment to a more professional atmosphere. Let them know that you understand they may be accustomed to different norms but that you are requesting they refrain from the behavior you found offensive. Request that they reply, confirming their agreement to the new standard.Brace for Awkwardness.
Understand that things may feel uncomfortable when you see them next. This is normal and will likely pass with time. Be professional and courteous, but don't shy away from maintaining the standard you've set.Hold Your Boundary.
Once you’ve set your expectations, it's crucial to hold the line. If they revert to their old behavior, address it immediately. You might say something like, “I noticed the language used just now—it’s not in line with the boundary I’ve set. Do you remember our discussion about maintaining a professional tone?” Be prepared for some resistance or awkwardness, but stay firm. If necessary, escalate the matter with HR.
Unfortunately, advocating for change often falls on those who are most affected by the issue, and it can be uncomfortable at first. However, standing firm and setting boundaries is the first step in creating the respectful and professional environment you deserve.
I hope this helps you navigate the situation and assert the standards you expect.
Best wishes,
Yogesh