Tired of Telling Little Lies to Smooth Things Over? Ask Yogesh Sood
Dear Yogesh,
All of us have been using little lies to escape various situations at our work or house. Even I have a problem with lying. Not that I am a pathological liar. But we all need some of the other small lies to escape situations. This also gets me thinking about how it sucks the energy out of the person using these quick fixes to escape the problems.
Lately, I have developed a habit of taking care of such situations through these small lies. I’ve developed a kind of comfort through this escape route which sometimes turns into big lies.
It is bothering me. What do you think? Should I just roll with it, or is it a problem?
Regards,
Shubham
Dear Shubham,
Firstly, I think you should be proud of how self-aware you are and are willing to take a path in the same direction. This is half the battle won. Some people keep lying to themselves and are not able to recognize it.
Now, to address your question, I don’t think I am to judge if it is right or wrong, but what I do know is that if it is bugging you (as you said, it drains the energy and it is bothering you).
Just as with any other habit, lying also becomes a deep-rooted habit, which has its origin in the assumption that lying makes life easier, smooths the way, and keeps the peace. And this might work for a few in the short term. One thing to look at it is once you lie for something, the person to who you’ve lied considers the lie as the right thing.
So, in terms of your white lies, you need to think of the long-term consequences and how important it is that the people you care about.
The bigger issue here is the trust factor. You have to decide for yourself if it is important, in terms of your self-concept, that family, friends, and business partners trust you.
Now from a coaching point of view, it is ultimately about choice and cost. Who do you choose to be? What do you want to be responsible for remembering? Do you want to go short-term easy or long-term trusted relationship? What does it cost you to lie? What would it cost you, to tell the truth? Is the cost worth the payoff? Right now, it seems like the cost may not be worth it to you because it is taking some kind of toll.
In the end, I am a fan of decisions that will decrease the noise in my head even if they inconvenience someone else. Take all of this into consideration and make some decisions.
I think you already know what you want to do.
Regards,
Yogesh Sood
The above is an adaptation of a blog written on JUNE 27, 2022, MADELEINE HOMAN BLANCHARD.