Dear Yogesh,

I am Rajesh, leading a group of highly skilled and experienced employees at an MNC in Bangalore. One of my employees is invariably significant to our job and has extensively established knowledge. A few other teams also need her services.

At present, she is going through a tough phase. Her father passed away a few months ago, leaving her mother heartbroken and suffering from dementia. And the trouble with one of her elder children consumes a lot of her time. She doesn't specify, but she looks dejected because of it. She often turns up late at work, looking forgetful of things, sometimes agitated, and it appears as if her world is on the verge of collapsing.

I believe she should take leave from work to grieve over her father, care for her family, and spend time in solitude. She'd have to train another team member to do some of her work, but I think we'd be able to get by for some time.

When I try talking about it, she becomes paranoid, blames others for her mistakes, and acts as if I am the enemy when all I am trying to do is assist her. Our entire staff is generating a negative impression because of her errors. What's even worse is that I have to put in extra hours of effort to double-check everything she does to ensure that nothing that might create an issue goes out. And as a result of this, I'm becoming more tired than ever. I can't figure out how to persuade her to help her believe that I wish nothing but the best for her. Can you please help me with this?

Signed,
Rajesh

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Dear Rajesh,

I've come to realize that nearly everyone I work with, including my team, is so overburdened with work that no one even thinks of taking a vacation or making personal time for grieving or other important life matters. There is just no space left to decrease expenses and be more efficient. It’s very astonishing to me that there is no supplement to that particular work, nor is there a culture of cross-training. It can lead to exhaustion which is not beneficial to either of you.

I remember when my mother died, I used to make terrible judgments. I wasn't myself for weeks or months. I screwed up two crucial client meetings. And to this day, I'm still not sure what I did wrong, but the clients were not pleased. I had the privilege of taking some time off of work until I was ready to face people and work along with them. Your employee is genuinely in tension right now. And she needs you more than ever. So, yeah, you're right when you think she needs to take leave and spend some time with her family and herself, for that matter.

Since you are the leader, it's your responsibility to make a list of errands she has committed that have disturbed the seamless functioning of your work culture. And it should not sound like you're blaming her or anything. It should be a very healthy one-on-one conversation that serves reality at the table. Inform her that because of her mistakes, you have to work extra hours to set things right for her. You might ask for assistance from your HR to keep the language as soft as possible for her support.

It will be a loss for both of you if she quits her job in hopelessness. Or, even if she gets struck with critical health issues, you'll lose an invaluable employee who is impossible to replace. So tell her how much you value her and that you only wish what is best in her interest. Remind her of all the good things she has achieved with your company. Come up with a reason for her to trust you and not be mad at you for simply caring for her.

Also, consider what aspects of her job can be put on hold or allocated to others temporarily. For long-term ease, it may be time to reassess the job design for each function of your team and try to implement cross-training culture so that you are not entirely reliant on one individual.

It's wondrous to learn that we take our work seriously. And we certainly want our workers to be passionate about their work. But it cannot always be about living in the moment; there are entire lives to contemplate. Staying in a continual state of fear helps no one in the long run; it can quickly become a habit and is difficult to see in ourselves.

You have to think from your employee's point of view. And only then will you realize that she is in dire need of support to get back to her usual self again. It will take some extra effort from your end, but you will be able to do it; because that's what leaders do. They help people without being asked. And she might not be grateful to you now, but one day she'll pray for your well-being. And you'll feel in your heart that you did the right thing for someone selflessly.

Best,
Yogesh

This blog is an adaptation of a blog written by Madeleine Homan Blanchard on June 05th, 2021 - https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/trying-to-help-but-getting-nowhere-ask-madeleine