Dear Yogesh,

In a corporate environment, people often resort to accepting silence rather than indulging in a conversation to communicate their needs and expectations from others. Why do people prefer to avoid a Crucial Conversation when the stakes are so high and have a significant overall impact?

Regards,
Saumya

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Dear Saumya,

It is a human tendency or psychological behavior where some people choose silence while others resort to verbal violence. And the underlying reasons for both are insecurity and fear.

Considering the right approach to action in the context of Crucial Conversations, it is essential to follow a specific and predictable path. The foremost priority is to See and Hear what is happening in that conversation and look out for some worrisome signs. Is the other person being defensive? Do you witness any sudden change in their tonality and voice? Are they visibly upset or breaking off eye contact?

After analyzing these tell-tale signs, we can easily conclude how our conversation has shaped and moved into the next stage of Tell a Story. It is also possible that we might have said something offensive, or they must be overreacting. Whether we think of ourselves as a victim, villains, or heroes, we have narrated a story about the situation and defined our role in the same.

Not to forget, our stories build Feelings that eventually lead to the next course of action. These stories trigger immediate emotions and judgments ingrained in various patterns, traumas, experiences, and behaviors. Based on the response to those feelings, we initiate the action by going silent, choosing verbal violence, or being somewhere in the middle path.

That’s why the outcomes of two actions will never be the same, and our spontaneous reactions in those crucial moments are influenced by the stories we tell ourselves. Also, you don’t have to feel accountable for the responses, insecurities, and fear of the people around you. Their behavior could be rooted in past events, history, and other reasons that have nothing to do with you.

However, if you are keen to maintain a safe and open dialogue, it is vital to take various steps without further ado. These critical steps can help people avoid silence or verbal violence.

Express Your Positive Intentions

Some people are quick to reach any conclusion based on what they see, feel or perceive things. It does not take them long to look for some sure-shot signs that can prove the correctness of their assumptions. Take the initiative to state your positive intentions and express your respect for them so they can feel confident and set aside their inhibitions.

Ensure Safety Consistently

Consider a situation where you are involved in a conversation, and things go haywire. What will you do to rebuild safety? You must pause, step outside your discussion, and restate your intentions if required. You can also take your conversation ahead with emphatic responses to ensure meaningful contributions from the people involved.

Seek Out Permission

Invite the concerned parties to a dialogue while engaging in a high-stakes conversation to ensure their full cooperation. Start your conversation by asking prior permission and regain their trust. Further, if you feel that the dialogue is drifting away, pause, step outside the content, rebuild safety, and regain control of your conversation.

Encourage People For Feedback

Analyze your actions and statements to understand the possible triggers that led the other person to behave in a certain way. Even if you are innocent, it could ensure a different positive outcome. Observe people's behavior and take appropriate steps to build effective relationships and humility.

Adopt a Liberal Approach

Always remember that Crucial conversation skills are not a magic potion to resolve all your workplace problems and achieve desired results. If you have failed to establish a safe dialogue, it reflects the other person is not interested, and you can’t force a dialogue.

You can easily make the other person feel the difference by maintaining consistency in your efforts. Further, your relationship should build on the vital pillars of trust and respect so that nothing can keep you away from a healthy dialogue.

Regards,
Yogesh Sood

The above is an adaptation of a blog written by Brittney Maxfield.

https://cruciallearning.com/blog/why-people-go-to-silence-and-how-to-help-them-open-up/